25 April 2011

Learn to Give not Take in your Marriage

I recently attended a wedding.  It was a beautiful ceremony, filled with loving family and friends.  I usually just enjoy going to weddings, but this time I analyzed the words during the ceremony.  I couldn’t help but wonder why this phrase was used “do you take so-and-so to be your wife/husband?”  Take? What does it mean to take? Why the word ‘take’? Why not another word besides take? However, such a word as take fits well with the 21st century thinking of marriage.
I couldn’t help but think of a purchase. Such as a man who walks into a store and says “I’ll take that TV.”  The man will take that TV home and be very satisfied with it. Until something goes wrong with it, which he will exchange or return it; or a newer version comes out, which the man will get rid of his old TV for this newer version.

So it is with marriage. We take this, say 27 year old spouse, with a good job, good looks, and coloured hair.  However, this spouse we have taken will age, may experience unemployment, put on some weight, give birth to children, and their hair may go grey and fall out. This isn’t the spouse I took! I want the one back that I said I would take: thinner, better looking, and blissful. So, this now older spouse is returned, and sometimes even exchanged for a “newer version”.

Why? Because we assume marriage is about taking, that is, filling my needs, wants, and wishes.  When in reality it is about giving. Giving yourself to your spouse. Not fifty percent, not ninety percent, I mean giving your whole self, one hundred percent to your spouse.  When you are giving of yourself, and your spouse is giving of themselves, there is no need for taking.

What are some things you can start doing to give yourself wholly to your spouse? Is there something distracting you? Maybe you should spend less time on the TV, or on Facebook and find ways that you can give something to your spouse. Say I love you, hug them, let them know you care. Husbands, take out the garbage, it’s the least you can do for your wife, the mother of your children.

Maybe the next time you are at a wedding, think of this phrase “do you give yourself to so-and-so, your lawful wife/husband?”

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